I AM SICK OF LIFE

ah ha what a line well but its true i don't know about others but i am often in a phase when i find life highly unbearable when i see that life is so unfair that there is no point moving forward , there are more heart breaks that a person can see feel or bear. and seemingly there is no end to it, how much more u can give of yourself there comes a point of no return.i have already crossed the point of no return once before and that was a traumatic experience which has scarred me for life and now i am fast approaching another one and each day is more painful than the other...... the best thing about it is that you can't share it with anyone has i don't think any body can imagine what i am actually going through so u have to maintain the outer facade of being happy . how can i say how unfair is God yes he is ... what did i ask that he couldn't give and he knew i needed it . then also it has been not given . what does a person do when she has been cursed seven and a half year of her life and each day has been more onerous than the last.each day seems like a decade and i age at the same pace too . so seeing this that i am around 7000 years, no wonder i don't feel like living anymore
people say that life returns to you what you have given to it in my case its just vice a verse with me because whatever i give i get the opposite , i give respect and receive humiliation, i give smile and get frowns and scoldings , i give justice and all i receive is unfairness. and there is a limit to what i can actually take and see . i am sick of it GOD and i want to leave as soon as possible . What did i didn't do what was i lacking , what did i ask that it became almost impossible to give , was i wrong in trusting God yes thats the main point you see you can't trust God because he went to sleep he is sleeping and no amount of prayers is going to reach him and nothing is going to change because he is fast asleep . and yes even if he is awake he wouldn't do a thing because his hands are tied you see they only work for few people when he sees them in trouble he can take some initiative and all the rest can go to hell oops sorry nope all the rest can just "tako muh" i know i sound very bitter but i have every reason and logic to be as bitter i am not taking it all out now or else i would have been breaking a few things and Gods knows what will be the first thing i'll break.
why does everything has to go against me why for once in my life can't i get what i want and i know my wants are very legal . i have never asked for riches , or a miracle all i want is justice and fairness , all i want is my hard works return and this is something which everyone gets but me . if i get one paise for every time i have not received what i actually deserved by God by now i would be a millionaire twice over. and the second one will be in these two last year a
and today i make one promise to myself that once i get out of this place i choose never to return .i choose to leave the negativity of this place i choose to leave the shallowness around me i choose to leave the deceitfulness which has encircled me
i choose freedom from the utter baselessness and selfishness and this cursed place will be wiped out of my universe of existence and if ever i'll get a chance i would wipe out the memory of this place forever from my mind