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Not seen much of life , yeah I am hardly 25 but still I lay down something which I have seen and observed :)


Human beings are divided into three categories

1) Doers- these people have things happening to them, they have to make things happen. They are to whom on whom life’s experiments are acted upon
2) Catalysts- in life there are a set of people because of whom things happen , they are like catalysts in human reactions, because of them something happens or something takes place
3) And finally the observers- they observe , they observe and learn, nothing happens to them in life , they just go on observing


All of us at every moment of our life are one of these , sometimesa doer , a observationist or a catalyst. Its not that we choose these roles at a particular moment although sometimes we are given such choices.but it more like its thrust upon us.
But on the whole a distinct role is shaped out for us according to the role we majorly play
Like for me I am an observer in the big show called life, an audience . Because this is the role which I generally follow.

A Recruiter's Life

Wrong title actually because truly speaking recruiters don't have a life
whatever they had is now loaned out to the company they are working in.

Heard about the proverb dhobhi ka kutta na ghar ka na ghat ka , well we recruiters are literally living that life and even worse

Recruiters are treated like dogs , if the candidates drop off its their fault , if candidates don't perform its the recruiter's fault

Sometimes i get an impression from my manager that if my candidate will get ill then it also will be my fault

Why should a recruiter be responsible for everything?????????

I will select a candidate who has got a good cv, how am i responsible if he is not able to attend his interview because his boss did not give him leave...

But no i'll be getting scoldings , i will be shouted upon

Similarly if the company which is hiring doesn't select a candidate , the candidate in turn will eat my head

See i am getting it from both side

Neither my manager lets me live in peace nor my candidate is leaving me in peace

So where do i go


I believe recruitment is dependent a lot on the luck

No offence to any hardcore recruiter but its just POV

Luck because you get the right cv but don't know whether it will get hit by the company
And then luck again if that candidate doesn't get an better offer from other company
Then again if he joins in the right time

The skill involved is where and how you get cv and rest all is luck

And why should I be blamed for my poor luck?

Lets see if I ever get ahead of my luck or not

Its Instinctive!!!!!!!!!!

It was made fun of heavily by Mr. Poirot in Agatha Christie's novels but somehow or the other I have always felt women do have 6th sense .
I too have it not a very active one but yes it happens out of a blue.

Years ago when I was in class fourth I woke up early on a holiday and I woke up uncharacteristically early and intercepted a phone call, it was a call which told my mom that her mother my maternal grandmother is very ill and immediately imagined her on ice slab
My mom and dad left that day and days later we came to know that my maternal grandmother is no more and yes when my mom reached her home my nani was laid on ice slab
Second time it happened when I saw my mom talking to someone on phone and don't know why I knew that my maternal grandfather had died and I knew he had an heart attack near the bathroom

and days laters I was proved true
Yes he had died that same day with his first attack in front of the bathroom.

Years later I fell asleep when I was reading a book and had a dream that someone was calling me didi and I rushed downstairs and made my mom call my maternal aunt who was pregnant and lo behold and she was in labour room and gave birth to my young cousin that very day itself.

is this instinct?...
Did I tell you . I was not very close to my maternal grandparents neither my my cousin but still it happened.

I don't know
So many things have happened
Sometimes I see somethings which register in my brain and my unconscious mind which led to this?
There have been two more incidents which may me more of a sixth sense than instinct and yet I held it out for years and they came to be true
And if the third thing which I believe should happen will happen then maybe I'll make myself a seer :) :)

Its something very against which will take around two or more years to happen but some thing tells me it will


I don't know lets see

A conversation with God

Me : whats up
God: I am up
Me: glad to see you finally up!!!!!! Can I ask a few questions?
God: OK shoot
ME: Why did you create this world
God: I had nothing better to do
Me: why did you make it such a twisted place
God: I didn’t make it a twisted place you all did
Me: but it was you who made us why did you make us so twisted
God: I didn’t make you twisted I gave you choices you took the wrong ones
Me: don’t give me that crap,its your world , you created it why can’t you manage it, why was there a need for choices
God: so what was I supposed to do ? monitor your every move and make this world a dictatorial place, I made you all gave you brains and now you can’t manage it then why fault me
Me: excuse me , there are so many good people here on this world and yet they suffer , innocent people die , they are killed murdered and what not and you say we are at fault, what do you do when people pray , are you asleep or something
God : that’s karma
Me: explain
God: karma is cycle of life , what ever good you do will be celebrated in next life and whatever bad you do will be punished too
Me: what the hell ,s o if I am unhappy now because of my previous birth’s faults , but I don’t even remember that, and now all good I do will go to my next janam , why should I suffer for the faults of before , I rather do all bad things now and let my next janam take care of itself
God: you are mistaken,you should learn to do good
ME: I think you have got it all wrong
God: I am God how can I be wrong
Me: well you created this world and seeing the state it is in I think you are wrong , can you tell me where have you been right
God: umm ah ummm
Me: see I told you so, nothing right and as a creater and a manager you are not doing anything, why can’t you just begin again
God: I just lost threads long back and now even if I try I can’t make it try
Me : so why not tell all the human race so that we c an stop praying to you and not waste time and then I think some conflicts will also be resolved
God: I can’t do that ,people believe in me
Me: and their belief shatter s everyday too , you ought to stop it
God: if people stop believing In me there will be more turmoil
Me: how so
God: where will you all take your woes and blames, hope and faith is all what holds this world together now, if that also goes nothing will be left
Me: so we are expected to go on having faith even when you do nothing or can do nothing
God: just give me a few more decades I am in process of thinking of a solution
Me: how many decades?
God: you are on my case too aggressively
Me: I am tired of being good and doing good with no returns and nothing going good with me
God: have faith
Me : in what
God: me
Me: ha ha ha good joke , even after this conversation, why should I when I know you can do nothing
God: because you don’t have a choice
Me: you told me you gave everyone choice
God: belief is not a choice , even a atheist prays even if its in that corner of his heart which he doesn’t recognize it himself, everyone has faith and hope, you all rise from bed because they have hope from this day, a animal hunts again and again with a hope it will have better food, the day you loose hope and faith the world will come to a standstill because nobody will be able to go on
Me: oh you mean to say everything I do because I hope
God: you brush your teeth in hope that it will remain white and in working condition
Me: I brush my teeth to keep it clean
God: totally beside the point
Me: I am confused
God: don’t worry you’ll grow up
Me: this is a vicious cycle, you have trapped us
God: I know it is and I don’t know where it began , but you have to fight this vicious cycle
Me: huh!!!!!!!!!!!!
God: gotta go will continue this later
Me: my all questions are not answered
God: some other time and to tell you the truth even I don’t have answers, sometimes you have to let it be bye
Me: and that’s thats

Third year @ Banasthali- a life time of memories which can never be described by mere words

Third year was by far the most memorable one, because I think for the first time the whole class of ours was located together in the same wing of the same hostel.
100 girls in the same wing of a hostel which could hold nearly two hundred something girls
Well I don’t think that there is any need to say that we made life hell for the hostel in charge
They were a couple of old ladies – Sudha jiji and Bharti jiji as we used to call them
The hostel was the oldest in the whole of banasthali and had a distinct character of its own
The roofs used to leak during rains , the bathroom doors couldn’t be latched properly. Since it was so old it had all kinds of ghost stories circulating it and of course the old jijis who were part and parcel of this whole building added to the overall effect of us living in some old age era
The rules were stricter the food better and life of course more fun
We had prayer meetings every night , and all of us biotech girls used to go and sit right at the back and make fun. The best things we used to do was tie the chunnis of the girls sitting in front of us .prayer hall was also attendance hall so we had to give attendance sharp at 9
It was in the prayer hall where we were subjected to thoughts as to that we were all ruined for life and also that what will we ever teach our children as we were so badly brought up
This did not endear us to the old ladies of course and I think someone took revenge on our part from them when one of our hostel inmates(for the life of me I cannot guess) threw a lighted firecracker into their room when they were asleep. They were scared to death and promptly started a rumour that these girls were trying to kill them.
Inspite all this the third year was the best
I remember going to Jaipur many times for giving exams (mba entrance)
The chemistry labs were even more fun , as being seniors we had more time to spend at that place
I remember going to the top of gyan mandir which housed the labs . The terrace was a beautiful place to be, you could look all around at the expanse of land which mostly was a virgin.
We cooked at the batti where I learned lots of things about cooking
I think till date the most memorable holi was what I spent in banasthali third year
We played with all the colors right in the night and in the morning when no color was to be found we all went out side and played with mud and sand
Catching girls one by one and then pushing them into the mud pit
It was violent dirty and very much fun .Till date the best one I ever had
How can I forget Usha’s antics in scaring us
She was one don of our hostel. We were properly scared as she used to come just when some of us were taking bath and one thud of her fist on the door and it used to fly open.
Just to save our dignity many of us used to take bath at 4 o clock in the morning when she was sleeping
I remember when exam times used to come I and Garima used to sit in terrace to read but always ended gossiping a lot.
The second thing which we all will always remember the strike we had during our last year to ask for holidays .
We all decided at night and then the next morning all of us didn’t go for breakfast and sent the messages that we won’t be having lunch too
This made the chairman and his son to come to our hostel where ensued a big discussion which led to negotiation and finally a decision on our side
Another thing was water shortage
By the end of the term the water which used to come out of the taps was getting yellow in color
We had to resort to drinking only bisleri water buying it out of shops
We had no choice but to use that yellow water to bath but washing hair was out of question
So once 4 of us roomies took towel and our shampoos and then washed our heads in the hand pump outside
Then one day we had food poisoning chapter in the hostel
Then at last but not the least the going away time, as much as we all loved holidays it was the last time we all were together and that thought brought tears to everyone’s eye.

And now we have tears because try as we may we can never bring back those days
Those golden days when happiness meant having rajma chawal on Thursday and sadness meant not talking to your room mates
Where fighting meant that we were fighting about who should go to take a bath first and when entertainment meant watching movie with friends under the open sky
How can I forget that we were so mad about movies that we stood in rains to watch a movie end
How can I or anyone forget those late night talks
All the philosophy and everything which was discussed under the pretence of playing games.
Life can never be the same again for all of us because we were a part of banasthali
We have slept under the open sky looking at the stars and the milky way
We have felt and established bansthali in our lives and our hearts .
The friends we have made their have life long bond because three years were something which we won’t change for all the gold or diamonds in this world .
Life can never be the same again
A life time of memories which I can never put down in words….

Banasthali 2ND year

My second year is marked by my friend ship with a Girl named USHA who I now more fondly call don
Let me start the beginning of this friendship where it actually began , it began at sindhi camp the main bus station of Jaipur , I was waiting in a bus which was to leave for banathali when suddenly I looked out and saw Usha , she was famous in first year because she belonged to a group of people who got up at 12 noon and rushed to our side of building to freshen up. I had hardly talked to her ever in my first year and yet when I looked out and saw her standing I couldn’t help but smile which was reciprocated.
Our smiles became legends because we became roommates in short span of time. We were roommates for next 2 years and now friends for ever
She was one person who taught me a lot, when I now look back to my second year all I can remember is that I was enjoying my time being her roommate
She is a magnet of some kind people came to talk to her . I came to know so many people through her. This does not mean that we didn’t fight, although I have never fought with her but still we were chums , and still are.
I must not forget some incidents which happened in this years, I read harry potter’s new book in one night and was termed a geek and hari putter was renowned all over the hostel, we played kho-kho on my birthday which caused my room mate and friend Ayushi to break her leg and miss lot of her term.
I Usha and few others ganged up on people on valentine’s days who were trying to talk in peace with their bfs
I first learned the concept of night outs when we five as roommates spent hours in the night talking , we started living dangerously, taking pangas in which Usha was the leader.
Lot of thievery occurred in the hostel with lot of consequences.
I learned new words thanks to my Guru Usha
I remember after every exam we used to rush out to lucky’s canteen and eat our heart out
We all used to hog the breakfast
And yes cooking in the night, fried rice pohas and what not
This year also taught me not to trust anyone completely , who knows when and where a friend may turn against you
I also remember this year because I reined in myself and turned more disciplined studying more and concentrating more
I will also say that some of the most happiest hours in my second year were spent in the first floor back end of the banasthali central library where I sat hours on and read to my heart’s content
I remember running away to library whenever things got a little tough and then staying tere till I calmed myself down and ready to face everything.
It was a year which also changed the fortunes of my family, I first came to know that not everything was right at home and being so far away I was not able to do anything to help my mom and dad and that tore me to pieces.
But I’ll always be thankful because I met Usha , and came closer to lots of people like Garima , Ankita. , got to know the real faces of many people whom I trusted .
I also realized many things and honed up my acting skills, had a lot of fun learning and yes more in depth study of chemistry
All this while I didn’t loose my tenacity of liking kskbt and other ekta Kapoor shows(yeah me !!!!!!)
I remember that once the dean and the chairman arrived at our hostel and we all panicked that they were here for search of hostel and we ran helter skelter to hide our mobiles as best we could coming up with brilliant plans in few seconds which involved slashing the window grills
The danger passed as the search was made but only of our senior’s room and beer bottles were found there .
That year was also when Pratibha Patil visited our campus then a governor now she is the first woman president of our country
This gave rise to a myth that whoever visits bansthali is sure to make it big one day as Dr Abdul Kalam had also visited Banasthali in the past
Second year was filled with fun fights and Uno , a game which enthralled us so much that we palyed it late into nights and now just a few days back when we all had a reunion of sorts played it again sitting in the park
Once in second year we also had our share of superstitions , we did all sorts of pooja in our room (he he he)
We saw or imagined to see planchet happening the next hostel
I learned that there exists lot of things like black magic and a story which my friend Garima told me that once she saw a kalash flying during navratri times.
I can go on writing as memories rush past me but I’ll stop now as enough is enough
Usha I am so glad I smiled at you in Sindhi camp that day.

QUOTES - I LOVE

Just once I want someone to look at me right away and think I was beautiful. Not after they get to know me, or after they see inside my soul, just me. I want to walk in a room and light up, not blend.

Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the girl I am...isn't me

Walking down the hall with her head held high, every hair is in its place, sees a friend and she waves hi, wearing a smile on her perfect face. Friendly, smart, and beautiful, everyone adores this girl. Seemingly content, her head's in a whirl. Inside she's unhappy, and doesn't know why. She lays in her bed at night and cries. She doesn't know what causes the tears; how could this princess have insecurities or fears? She has it all. A pretty smile, many friends, a great guy, the newest trends, her family has money, she gets good grades, has her own car, and her makeup never fades. Always looking happy, every single day, but inside she's feeling a different way. This is wonder girl, she's everyone's dream, but things aren't always what they seem.

Behind my smile is everything you'll never understand.

I didn't want to admit it. It was easier to lie. Hide the hurt and emptiness to smile instead of cry.

Have you ever felt so alone and nothing makes sense? Well that's how I feel right now...I feel like I'm facing everything myself, with nothing but tears and a fake smile...

I don't know if I'm getting better or just used to the pain.

Words hurt more than anything else can, because they last, sometimes forever.

It sucks to be alone, even when there are people all around you

I wanna get lost from my life sometimes, sit on the side and watch the world go by, I wanna get lost and I don't know why.

I think the only reason everyone holds on to memories so tightly is because memories are the only things that don't change when everything and everyone else does.

I've accepted the fact that we can't be, but I've also accepted that you're going to be that one person I carry with me for the rest of my life, the one that is always going to make my heart jump a little and my stomach tie up in knots no matter how happy I am otherwise...no matter how long its been.

They say time will make this all go away, but it's time that has taken my tomorrow's and turned them into yesterday's.

Sometimes you have to hold your head up high, blink away the tears, and say good-bye.
You have to have a darkness...for the dawn to come.

My wings are broken
by the words left unspoken
now all I can do is sit and cry
just wishing, praying, that I die..

Life doesn't hurt until you think about how much things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it was your fault.

Distance between two people is only as one allows it to be.

Don't give up on your lost causes, you never know when your luck will change.

After a while, you just can't cry anymore. You just have to believe that what happens is what's supposed to happen, and, well, you can't change that, even if you tried. So just dry the tears, and hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.

I now compare all guys I like to you and you know what? They never measure up, not even close, and the sad thing is, most are better than you...I just can't see it.

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it.

What loneliness is more lonely than distrust?

I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.

The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone.

Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying.

Loneliness: A Solitary Confinement of the Soul.

The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy.

They say when you get to heaven that you meet up with the ones you love. Well, what happens if the one you love is with the one they love?

Life isn't about how many breaths you take...it's about the times you have your breath taken away.

What's meant to be will always find a way.

Even though I've been hurt, I remain StRoNg. Me having regrets? You're dead wrong...Cause you have to take cHaNcEs Your whole life long.


The truth is, I gave my heart away a long time ago, all of it, and I never really got it back.

I think the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.

Never underestimate the pain of a person because the truth is everyone is struggling. It's just some people hide it better than others.

But a heart which trusts in God's goodness is armed against sorrow.

There's nothing more depressing than having it all and still feeling sad.

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.

When life knocks you down, try to land on your back. Because if you can look up, you can get up. Let your reason get you back up.

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.

Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see, the pain someone feels.

You can close your eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel.

“Love can sometimes be magic.
But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion.”

Before, I asked God to give me someone special to love. I found you then lost you. I asked God why and He answered, “But my child, the one you asked for asked for somebody else.

I don't miss him, I miss who I thought he was.

I envy the one you love, the one whom you belong to. But I’ve thought much to realize how envious the one you love could get if only she had known that I am the one who can love you best.

One night, someone noticed a star losing its usual bright glow and asked the star why. Then it answered, “I’ve grown tired and weak shining for someone whose glance has never been mine.”

We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.

when It's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you.

Whoever said it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all must not have had their heart broken.

Why are the words "I love you" so easily pronounced yet so hard to say? It's because it's hard to admit to yourself that the person you love might not feel the same way as you do.

Nothing is more sad than the death of an illusion.

A teardrop is insignificant in a pool of water, but it can touch the soul as it runs down someone’s face.

How unhappy is he who cannot forgive himself.

When you can't have what you want, it's time to start wanting what you have.

Just because my eyes don't tear doesn't mean my heart doesn't cry. And just because I comes off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong.

I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying.

Behind this innocent smile of mine, lay words that go unsaid. Words of longing, love, anger, and hate, all repeating inside my head.

The pain of having a broken heart is not so much as to kill you, yet not so little as to let you live.

If ends mark new beginnings, then why are goodbye's so hard?

Shayari

In tammannon ko koi roke
Yeh apni hadd par kar chali hain
In tammannon ko koi roke
Yeh apni hadd par kar chali hain
Par mann ko bandhen aise salakehn kahan bani hain
Par mann ko bandhen aise salakhen kahan bani hain



Saagar ki leherein sahil ko chot pahuchayen
Saagar ki lehrein sahil ho chot pahuchayen
Lekin yahi chot sahil ka astitva banayen
Har chot yeh yaad dilate akele sahil ko
Ki har leher uski taraf hi khichi chali aaye


Parinda aasman se puchta hai
Kyun mujhe apne se dur kar dete ho
Aasman hansta hai aur kehta hai
Mere dur jaane se hi tum uncha uthte ho

Tanhayiyon ne hume kuch aise ghera
Jaise badalon ne suraj ka chera Dhaka
Hum akele hi chal padhe aise raste pe
Jahan manzil ne bhi hume akela kar diya

Mental Cage

Imagine a free bird soaring in the sky . Then see that same bird in a cage . What would that bird be doing would it be sitting complacently . No it would be hopping mad all round the cage. Its eyes will only be focused on the open sky outside . It would be hopping jumping trying to find out the way outside so that It can soar away again. The once free bird now in a cage is what represents my mindset now. I feel as if I am mentally caged . I can’t but hop on everywhere , I am trying so hard to find a way out of the cage which is there. How hard it is to find a way out of invisible cage . A cage of my own thoughts , my own feelings , my own fears . I am hopping inside a cage self created by me . A cage whose door I don’t even know exists or not.
I feel the need of freedom but what can be more free than imagination which runs at a speed of light. But still my imagination cannot cast away the sinking feeling of dark depressing thoughts . Sleep only casts a temporary relief as a blanket will on a caged bird’s hopping.
As soon as my eyes open my mind starts struggling in a cage which is unrelenting in its solidness.What scares me more than this cage, is the thought that this cage is created by me for myself. Where have I thrown the key of this cage . Who will free me from a cage which exists in my mind but is still crippling me .
And then a thought persists at the back of my mind whether do I want to free myself of the cage . A rebellious thought occurs- who doesn’t want freedom , but then why cage yourself in one place , one thought one scenario – A fixed circle of thoughts

A swirling whirlpool of thoughts engulf my mind . I don’t know anymore which is real , what is just an imagination . Its becomes a dream like state where everything is unconnected but yet there is a conviction, a deep seated conviction that there is a subtle link . That link is hidden behind a dark blanket of thoughts so threatening that I cannot even go inside . A door created by own fears . A door which I suffer to open
And yet my mind longs for freedom, a chance for imagination to run free, faster than the speed of light.
What is it that my mind is searching for . It must be something very great for something which is so hard to get that a thing as powerful as a human being’s imagination , a mind cannot but just long for it
May be it can be described as something as simple but as elusive as PEACE.

Banasthali @ 1st year

The first year proved to be very difficult and yet very memorable. I changed from a person who had absolutely no identity to make my own way in a society so very different from where I had existed before
I made new friends , as an individual I started growing getting to know my own strengths and weakness ,apart from studies which were interesting the hostel life was enthralling . I will always remember my mom’s words hostel life teaches you more about yourself in a short span of time rather than whole life
And now I fully concur with her views.

When you live in a restricted space with 4 other people very few things are left personal and private . in banasthali the only source of entertainment was either talking among ourselves or the library , there was no tv , no recreation centre nothing. I had books to read and the library was huge but until my second year I didn’t spend a lot of time in library . my first year is marked by fights I had , I am not a violent person , actually more likely to be peace loving who wants to spend life in harmony with one and all , but then I discovered that I had huge ego , and well having ego causes you to get into meaning less spats and so did I and mostly with Veni who was my first friend. Our fights were legendary mainly because Veni was a person with extremes tempers , she was either the sweetest or the sourest or the angriest , never did she do things in moderations but that doesn’t mean that I was any less to blame for our fights .i was stubborn and thought that my way was the right way. Clashes between us lead to many tears and remonstrations but we always made up
He first year Is also marked by my ability to do things which I never believed I could , I was growing confident and I was participating politics , yep the inter politics between rooms and roommates
Since we all had communal bathrooms(yeah 10 people shared one bathroom –its urgh but quite common )there was always a fight going on who will use the bathroom first, these politics took comic turns when we used to get up in middle of the night at around 3 am just to keep out bucket in the bathroom to mark our places in the queue.the first year also marked my friendship with Shreya , she was my school friend whom I had lost touch and yet we met again and rekindled the friendship, she is still one of my best friends and I’ll say just one thing that it was her commonsense and her being with me which made my days of banasthali sweeter than ever. Shreya had you been not there I would have nowhere to go when i felt lost and alone , and I just like to say that I’ll trust you blindly with my life
I met many people like Richa , Swati , Savita , Savita (they were two of them) Sunita , Shuchita Garima Ankita Singh,Shulagna , Priyanka
These people came to my life and changed it forever , they taught me about friend ships. I specially admired Ankita Singh who became a very good friend whom I’ll always look upto as one of the most dedicated people ever , then Shulagna with whom I can talk for hours about the books we read and enjoyed, Richa a sweet little girl , so short so puny but as brave as a lioness.
I learnt how to use money and what importance it holds, I learnt what being alone meant even when you are surrounded by well meaning friends , what being scared frightened means in real sense .i spent many hours alone on the terrace of my hostel watching the sky which was filled with stars . I have never till then and since then seen a sky so lighted up with stars shining so brightly. In retrospect I think all the things which existed in banasthali had a different ,meaning of their own in the midst of a desert
I also started a new relationship with God , earlier at home I was only pleading with him but in bansthali I started talking to him as friend . I had been in the process of recording my thoughts in diary and in banasthali it became almost naught because I had so many trustworthy friends .

There are many incidents which are worth mentioning in my first year, the time when we saw UFO’s , the time of violent inter room politics, the journey between love hatred and betrayal among two friends
The journeys which we took too and fro from banasthali which were an adventure in itself.
These and lots more .....

Banasthali part 1

Have you ever seen a wide expanse of land and then its full of girls .
I am not talking about a dream of a perverted male ,I am talking of the real thing place which is the place for girls , they say its for studies and learning the culture of India , but for me its was a place where I learnt some important concepts of life . I am talking about Banasthali Vidyapith
A huge campus nearly 70 km northwest of Jaipur Rajasthan.A purely for girls institution.
If you climb up at the top of any building in the campus where you see you find the land for banasthali
I am not here to describe the land area or even the geography , what I am about to tell is the short version of the life I spent there
People will surely laugh because I am saying that 3 years were life ,but it was because I learnt a lot about life from that place
The journey started in my mind, every girl every boy has a dream a certain images in mind when he/she first imagines what college would be like ,I too had images taken from movies and shows which showed people lounging in canteens and a colourful place where an individual first begins the life making his /her personality a place of being myself without the pressure of parents .
And instead I reached banasthali, a village which followed gurukul like tendencies for GIRLS
I reached the place and all my dreams were shattered all I could see were rows of buildings and a tin shed instead of a colourful canteen
I was miffed at myself , I had made banasthali as a choice because I wanted to be away from parents from home so tht I could start finding my own way and look what a choice I made a village where we had to bring our own utensils and bucket for our own use.
I was with my parents who were trying to smile and make me feel good about a decision which I had taken on my own , after completion of my admission formalities I was allotted a hostel for biotech /Bsc bioscience first year .
I made a purchase of table fan and my dad slipped me my first mobile superciliously because mobiles were banned in banasthali(yeah in this day and age). We reached the hostel which looked like any other building and we were told to wait as the warden of the hostel whom we were to call “JIJI” was not available.i came out of the hostel to see a car standing beside our car and a girl who looked very elegant standing leaning on the bonnet . my cousin who had accompanied us to nudged me and promptly named her car wali ladki.
The next thing I knew what happened was that my parents and the girl’s parents started talking and they hit it off while me and the elegant girl who were most likely to be classmates were standing looking as if not caring but still appraising each other . there must have been something wrong with my face because she smiled at me the next instant , which broke the tension. The warden arrived that instant and we were asked to come inside
In side the room where warden decided the rooms we’ll take I and the elegant girl whom I’ll later know as veni became attached to each other and were granted the same room .
As I made my way through the hostel and to the room which was to be my home for next one year I felt a certain butterfly effect in my stomach , it was due to excitement or nervousness I can’t figure out.
The luggage formalities were all done and then I glanced back at my mom who had leave any second
Veni and I went downstairs to the gate of the hostel where both of us wished our parents goodbye , I felt tears stinging my eyes as I saw them go but I wiped them away and looked back at the hostel which was to be my home for new adventures and then with rising excitement I went back to my room feeling sure that this is what was to be …

GOODBYE

I have never been good at saying goodbyes, I always used to shy away from goodbyes and turn away when the time came in order to spare myself the pain of of saying the last words. But as years go by I still feel the same pain, I have never been able to let go and that comes because I have never been able to say a proper goodbye to all things which have been part of my life , to all people who have shaped my life and then gone out of it
I would like to go back in time and bid my childhood home a goodbye, the trees under whose shadows I played , I would love to go back and stand under the shades and remember the person I used to be, people will say she is living in the past and I would agree to some extent that yes I am what is the past but a part of myself a part which has shaped the current me. What harm is there to go back and be the past and for some time atleast escape the now life
Most of us however we are whatever we are always have preserved the memories of good things in life, just try and remember to the worst day of your life and you’ll still find something in that worse day which isn’t bad at all
So whats the harm in going down the memory lane once in a while of only to say goodbye !!!!!!!!
So I begin , I would go back to my childhood home , 3-d -19
I would say good bye to every nook and corner of that house , because in that house I have spent the happiest years of my life, I feel as if my innocence is still hiding there in the corner
It was a house with personality, I was living in a colony where all houses were same and yet I found my house my home to be quaintest of all. It had so many trees , so many that most of the time it was shrouded in trees shade . I loved imagining myself as the lost princess in the forest of trees
I used to play all kinds of imaginary games to fill the time when I was alone
They were good days , tv hadn’t captured my imagination till then and I was a free soul , a free mind and a free spirit to play as much and to imagine as much. The dolls I had , the games I played are all there in that house. I would go back and wish them all goodbye. I would say goodbye to the trees and the magic I created around them after I had read the faraway book series of Enid Blyton.
I would bid adieu to the rooms each of which has occupied a separate memory space in my brain. My study room which I inherited from my brother and the only room which I have called my own ever. That room had always held magic from me. I was there to read and get into studies and yet be there as a whole person. When ever things overwhelmed as they would sometimes I would go out to the terrace at night and watch out the night sky , so clear nights , so many stars and the quietness of the surroundings calmed my heart .
Where else have I ever got that contentment , where else have I got that stillness , where else have I ever felt one with my soul.
I ‘ll bid bye to the terrace and my study room , I’ll bid bye to the moon rising over the sky which has never looked the same since those days
I’ll stand in the corner and watch the rain pelting down and feel the freshness of the air around
I’ll run my hands along the contours of walls and imagine myself back in time when life was still so uncomplicated
I’ll say heartfelt thanks and a proper goodbye and come away with a feeling of being again joined in the thread of time which have entangled around me .
I would always regret tos ay that in our hurry of shifting to another house I could never say goodbye to the only house which I remember being so happy that I can’t remember one sad feeling associated with it. But with this trip back past I have finally made peace with having to say goodbye to one of the most precious things in one’s life-that is childhood.